Hi my sweetest angel girl. How was your day? Your daddy and I had regional conference so we stayed home and had a relaxing day together. I got another coat of paint on your sister's crib, and yesterday your Gma Lezlie came in and helped us figure out where to hang everything, so I'm hoping to get some progress on her nursery pretty soon. Then we went up to Aunt Sammie's and had dinner and played games with everyone. It was a very easy going day with just enough going on that we didn't go crazy from boredom. Did you have a good weekend honey? I think this weekend was exactly what your daddy and I needed to help us celebrate you and do some healing as well. I love you more than anything my girl. I wish so badly that I could see you with your little sister in this life--I can only imagine how amazing you are with her. I will just have to wait for the next life. Maybe I'll start a list of things I can't wait to do with you in the next life. I love you my girl. Sweetest dreams and lots of hugs and kisses. Love, Mommy
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Hi angel girl. How are you honey? I hope you had a wonderful birthday! Your daddy and I took our time this morning and then decorated your grave. Haha honey--I was holding your balloons to take a picture and the pink one just popped! There was nothing on me that could have popped it. Haha I bet you thought you were pretty funny. Your daddy and I just laughed and laughed. You little stinker. Then we came home to the most precious gift. Aunt Tori had started making a blanket for you, and even though things weren't looking good, she kept making it, hoping for a miracle. When she found out you didn't make it, she was devastated, and put the half made blanket away. When she found out we were having a girl, she got it out and finished it in two days. She said to consider it a hand-me-down from you to baby sister, and that she had both you and your little sister in mind while making it. Of course I was sobbing as I read the letter over and over. What an incredible gift. I want so badly for your sister to know you and have you with her in this life. And I feel like this blanket helps with that. I also forgot to tell you about an extremely thoughtful poem one of your daddy's students gave to him yesterday. Here it is: Felt in Your Heart Oh honey. I have loved celebrating your birthday and knowing that others are thinking of you and celebrating you is incredible. Thank you for being such an inspiration to us. We love you more than any words could describe. Sweetest dreams my baby girl. Lots and lots of hugs and kisses. Love, your mommy
Happy Birthday!!! Hi sweetheart! Happy Birthday my angel girl! How was your day? Oh honey I hope you had a wonderful day and that you got to do everything you wanted. Your daddy and I left work a little early and went to hike Stewart Falls. Haha honey it started raining, but we kept pushing forward, and then it poured. We felt like we needed to turn around, so we did, and of course it stopped raining soon after. By the time we got back to the car, it had completely stopped. haha I'm sure you just thought that was hysterical. It definitely made us laugh, and although it wasn't what we had planned, we enjoyed it, and we felt close to you, which was our goal. Then we drove up to Park City and went to a cute restaurant to have dinner. We even ate some cake for dessert to celebrate for you. It was yummy--chocolate with chocolate sauce, and some berries. Now we're back at the hotel, and in the morning we are going to get you some decorations and visit your graveside. We have gotten some really sweet messages from people wishing you a happy birthday. I love knowing that people are thinking of you. When we left for work this morning, we came out to some butterfly stickers on our porch and in the carport, and then some happy birthday balloons with butterflies on them by your rosebush. Honey you are so loved. I wish so badly that we were celebrating with you instead of in memory of you. But knowing that people are thinking of you, and having the sweet reminders of you, makes it more bearable. I love you so much my girl. I hope you are okay with our celebrations of you. And I hope you had a wonderful day with your family and friends in heaven. Know that we love you and we miss you every day. Sweetest dreams my angel girl. Lots of squeezes and kisses. Love, your mommy
Hi my angel girl. How are you? Honey! Your birthday is tomorrow! Oh honey. I hope you have the most wonderful day. Know that I will be thinking of you every moment. I'm just hoping to make it through work, and then I can let the emotions wash over me. You daddy and I are all packed for Park City, and I can't wait to get up in the mountains and fresh air. I think it will be very healing. I'm hoping the leaves are changing colors so we can find some red maple leaves. I love you so much my girl. Have sweetest dreams and have the best day tomorrow. Lots of squeezes and kisses. Love, your mommy
Hi honey girls. Today was the day last year that we learned your heart had stopped Oh my girl. That was the most crushing day. I remember that being the first doctor's appointment that I hadn't had that thought before going in. I thought I would be strong, and that I was prepared for the devastation. How could I have ever thought that? How could I ever know what I was about to experience? Honey that day we had you was a beautiful day. But the aftermath was simply shattering. Picking up your ashes, sleeping with them at night, leaving you at the cemetery...How did we ever survive? And how have I lived an entire year without you? I wish I could have appreciated my time with you more. I wish I could understand how valuable that time was. I wish I could hold you again. Oh my girl. I can't find the words. But I love you. I love you so very much. I miss you and I think about you every day. I really hope you have a wonderful birthday and enjoy our celebrations of you. Sweetest dreams my angel girl. Lots of hugs and kisses. Love, your mommy
Hi my sweet girl. How was your day? We had a doctor's appointment today, but your daddy was really worried about being late to work, so I went by myself. It was really weird because your dad has been at all the other appointments. I was a little nervous because we had an appointment the Tuesday after Labor Day with you, and that was when we learned your heart had stopped. But you sister is doing great, she's got excellent growth, and a strong heart beat. It feels like time has been going really quick as we are getting to the countdown phase. And I've been feeling your sister move even when I'm not super relaxed and concentrating on her movements. We are excited to celebrate you honey. I love you so very much. Sweetest dreams my girl. And lots of squeezes and kisses. Love, your momma
Hi my angel girl. Your birthday is in just a few days! Are you going to do something fun up in heaven? I'm really looking forward to having a very special weekend dedicated just to you. If you think of something else you want us to do, let me know. We made it home safely from Lake Powell. I love to go on vacation, and I love to get home. Camping this far along was a little tricky for your momma. I love to get home to my bed and my shower. I also started painting your sister's crib, and it's going to take a while, but I hope it turns out how I'm planning. As we get closer and closer to her due date, the time has been going faster and faster. I love you so so much my girl. I am grateful for you and your example. And honey, you have touched so many lives. People have already told me about the random acts of kindness they have done in memory of you. It melts my heart. You are incredible my girl. I hope you had a wonderful day. Sweetest dreams and lots of squeezes and kisses. Love, your mommy
Hi sweetheart. How are you honey? We had some more fun boating today and I thought about you a lot. Today was the day last year that we told the family about you and how the doctor said we needed to start preparing ourselves. Oh honey. That was an awful day. And I feel so devastated thinking about what that was leading up to. I miss you honey. Every day. It sounds strange, but I'm nervous to hit your year mark--for a lot of reasons. But also because we will be out of "firsts" without you. I know we will still think of you at every milestone. It will just be different because we will have your sister with us. What is that going to be like honey? I miss you terribly, and I wonder if seeing your sister grow up will hurt even more because we will see what we are missing. There are just a lot of unknowns my girl. I love you honey. I hope you had a wonderful day. Sweetest dreams my girl. Lots of squeezes and kisses. Love, your mommy
Hi my angel girl. How was your day? Your mommy and daddy are here in Lake Powell and we had a lot of fun boating with the family today. I thought about you a lot, and I had some tears at one point thinking about where we were at this time of year last year. And all that we were about to experience. And how there was nothing that could have prepared us for the year we were about to experience. Oh my girl. I miss you so much. It's devastating to think of what could have been. Instead, I am trying to think of what will be with your sister next year, and with you in the next life. I love you sweetheart. I hope you had a wonderful day. Sweetest dreams and lots of squeezes and kisses. Love, Mommy
Hi honey girls. How are you? Today was good and it went by fast. And then we drove down to Lake Powell! It's crazy that we are already here again. I also posted about doing random acts of kindness in your memory. One more week until your birthday! Oh my girl. I miss you. And I love you so so much. It's kind of sweet that we are here with your little sister. This was the last place we came with you. And we sure had fun, didn't we? I love you honey. Just know that we are thinking of you and we miss you always. Sweetest dreams my girl. Love, your momma
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