6 weeks! Baby has a heart beat of 80-100 bpm and is developing lungs, kidneys, and liver. Baby is the size of a sweet pea! I can't wait for summer and our camping trip when it is just me and Scott and nature. We are going to get some little baby hiking boots and take a picture with our hiking boots in the mountains. I am still trying to not get too excited because we aren't quite out of the danger zone, but I can't help but think about the nursery, and the basinet, and how we are going to bring a life into this world. And what it will be like to have all of my efforts based on a tiny human. The idea of being a mother is extremely overwhelming, but so exciting. I still can't believe it happened our first try. I know our Heavenly Father is looking out for us and knows the desires of our hearts.
I took another test this morning. It immediately showed positive. It's still surreal and I will be scheduling an appointment tomorrow so we will see. It's been a really busy week. I'm glad things are going to mellow out now and we can get back to our routine. Although things are going to get really busy pretty soon. We have a lot to do to get ready. And I've been worrying about what we're going to do after the baby comes so I can go back to work and finish my contract. Lots of things to figure out, but I just pray that we will be inspired to know what to do so everything will work out.
I took a pregnancy test today. Well 2. They both came back positive. I don't know if this is real or not and I can't tell if I'm more worried about it not being real, or more excited for it to be real. Instead, I am just trying to stay in a neutral emotional state. If I allow myself to get excited and it isn't real, I will be devastated. That's what I keep telling myself. The truth is, I will be devastated if it's not real even with me trying to stay in this "neutral" state. I've been tracking my cycle and we made sure to be intimate while I was ovulating. But I've only been through one cycle since my IUD. One. How is it possible that we got pregnant on the first try? Is this fair? It seems too good to be true. As Scott and I have talked about our future, I've felt like conception wouldn't be one of our trials. I've just felt like we would have other struggles. But for it to happen this fast? Is that possible? I've been late for 10 days now. I kept telling Scott that we needed to wait to take a test, but I had an urge to take one today and I did. I feel so numb--I can't describe it. Can this be real? When I took the first test, it showed up positive immediately. I decided to wait a few minutes just to be sure. I made Scott look at it first because I was too scared. I saw the positive and didn't know if I could bare it if it changed to negative. He was adorable and kept trying to get me to look at it. He was doing his silly giggle so I had a hunch it had to be positive. I finally convinced him to whisper in my ear and as he was giggling he said "positive". I'm not sure what I expected to feel, but I dismissed it as quickly as it came. "This can't be real" is what I kept saying. In my mind though, I've known for a while. My body feels different. I haven't felt sick, but I would have these weird moments, and the thought would come to my mind--I think I might be pregnant. The second test wasn't as suspenseful, and it immediately showed up positive too. I will take one more tomorrow and schedule a doctor's appointment on Monday to be sure. The more I think about it, the more of a possibility it becomes, but it still doesn't seem like reality.