"Seek God's hand in everything to increase your confidence" -Seester
"She is ours" -Scott
Well today we got some answers. I am very grateful for the peace and strength we felt while at the specialist's office. So baby girl has fluid in body cavities that it shouldn't be in. Like in her skin tissue and between her lungs and the cavity. She also has a large amount of liquid behind her head. So her condition is called Hydrops and the liquid behind her head is called a Cystic Hygroma. So we had a really great ultrasound and baby was moving and waving 'hi'. My favorite is the picture of her little leg sticking straight up. And at one point her little legs were crossed. She's just hanging out. Doctor said she doesn't feel any pain and she isn't uncomfortable. Anyways, the doctor said that most babies with Hydrops are either born early or they don't make it. She said she has had a few who have made it, but they have a very difficult time after birth. So there's a couple possibilities as to what caused this--the most likely being a genetic problem. So we have an amniocentesis scheduled for next Tuesday and it should hopefully give us more answers. We'r hoping to learn if it's something genetic, and if it is, what it is. They said the main possibilities are Down's Syndrome, Turner's Syndrome, or Trisomy 18 or 13. There is a 15% chance that our baby is totally fine. So after the testing, we should know pretty conclusively what's going on. The doctor said there isn't anything they can do, but the genetic testing will help us get more answers and give information to the doctors to know how to treat the baby and what we can prepare for. The whole staff was just amazing and we felt so much more calm and at ease. We were extremely sad, and like the doctor said, it's kind of the worst news she could give us, but we decided that keeping the bigger picture in mind (from my blessing) was going to be very important. Having that perspective has brought us so much confidence. Knowing that no matter what, she is our daughter, and knowing that whatever happens is supposed to happen helps us let go of some of that control and feel at ease. I've cried more times than I know today, and I can only imagine how much harder it will get. But Scott has been amazing. If I had to have this trial, I'm grateful to have him to go through it with. And baby girl has an important plan.
Today has been an extremely emotional day. We had our ultrasound today. I'm 20 weeks--baby is an artichoke :) And we found out we are having a girl! It was a little bittersweet because the ultrasound tech told us at the beginning that she couldn't tell us if anything was wrong, but that the doctor would tell us later. I asked her if we would just find out at our next appointment and she said depending on how serious it is, they would let us know sooner than later. She said the placenta looked good, and the heartbeat was 140 ppm and then she got kind of quiet and said, "I'll be right back." She left for a minute and when she came back, she had our doctor on speaker phone. I knew then that something was wrong. He said that they saw some things in the ultrasound that they were a little concerned about so he wanted to get me to a specialist as quickly as they could so I could get some answers. He said he was hesitant to go into much detail because he wasn't an expert, but that they would have a prognosis for me tomorrow. I asked him if there was anything that he could tell me and he just said that there were some abnormalities with her neck and chest. I was kind of in shock so I didn't ask a lot of questions, but my mind was racing. Scott was absolutely amazing. He has been so calm and level-headed. Although I feel like I'm freaking out, he has helped me stay calm. We have our appointment tomorrow at 12:30. Michelle was the first person we told and it was only about an hour after we found out so I cried a lot. She started crying and my grandma told me to put our names on the temple prayer roll so Scott called and did that. Then we told my mom and Sarah and they cried, but they decided to do a family fast. Then my dad called and he was also super calm. He said to try and not worry, and then we got off the phone and then he called back and told me to have someone help Scott give me a blessing. So we went to my Uncle Ryan's and Scott did amazing. In my blessing, what stood out was to remember to be grateful for my blessing of motherhood. Scott also had said earlier in the day that no matter what, she is ours. I felt a lot of peace after that, and telling my other siblings and Scott's family wasn't near as hard. I am so grateful for Scott and the plan of salvation and our baby girl.
Baby is a mango! We find out the sex on Thursday! We tried to keep ourselves somewhat busy this week by having at least one activity a day so we rode our bikes up to South Fork and I was super impressed with baby yammy (baby was a sweet potato last week so my dad keeps calling baby "yammy"). We also ran a couple times and I struggled so I was nervous because we had a 5k on Saturday, but I felt really good. I was super slow, but I only walked a couple times so I could drink my water, and I felt really good.