Hi my sweetest girl. How was your day today? Your daddy and I hung out most of the day and then went to Gma and Gpa Bennett's to celebrate New Years. It was interesting reflecting on 2016. It's bittersweet because I feel like it was a very trying year, but also full of amazing things. And I'm not so sure that I'm glad it's over. I am hopeful for the future, which is a good feeling. It's also a strange feeling to start a year that won't have you in it. I'm sure we will have our moments, and I'm so excited to experience those. I will make sure to document them all. I just wish you were physically here. In some way. Either growing in me or in my arms. As I was playing with Rowan tonight, the longing to be playing with my own child was just overwhelming. I wish you were here. But I love you so much my girl. I'm grateful to have you as my spiritual guide for 2017. I promise to keep trying and to continually strive to be better. Okay honey? Sweetest dreams my angel girl. Kisses and squeezes. Love, your mommy
0 Comments
Hi my sweetest baby girl. Today your daddy and I laid around for the better part of the day and it was soooo nice. Then we went running around Utah Lake and we wrote your name and Miranda and Kale in the snow. It was gorgeous honey! Then we went bowling and had dinner with the family, and then went back and played Nertz. It was a lot of fun and I laughed and laughed--we couldn't stop. It felt nice to laugh so hard. Of course we were talking and laughing about your poor daddy too. Haha he is such a good sport. I'll tell you though--it really feels good to laugh. I am hopeful for the future when I find myself enjoying the moment. I love you my girl. Thank you for being so amazing. Sweet dreams and kisses and squeezes. Love, Mommy
Hi my angel girl. Today your daddy and I went skiing for the first time and oh man--it was hysterical. I realy hope you got a chance to watch the hilarious spectical unfold! Your poor daddy struggled most of all. We have been laughing all day at how he rushed past everyone, and the many many falls--including the one where he fell behind me and I just felt so bad for that poor guy how just crashed--and the pole flying in the air. Oh honey, your daddy is such a good sport and would laugh too. It made for a very funny day, and it felt good to laugh hysterically like that. I haven't laughed like that in a long time. And one of the angel moms wrote your name in the sand at a beach! Isn't that so sweet? She went to the Dominican Republic--that's where your little butterfly pin is from--the one that I wore on our sunset hike. I love seeing your name. I've loved doing calligraphy so I can just write your name as many times and in as many ways as I want. I love you so much my girl. I hope you had a wonderful day. And thank you for watching over your daddy and keeping him safe. Sweet dreams honey girls. Hugs and kisses and squeezes. Love, Mommy
Hi my girl. Oh I sure do miss you. I went running today and I was almost home so I skipped a few songs until I got to your song. I just had to hear it honey. Then Asha and I went and sat by your rosebush for a little bit. It's got a lot of snow on it. Hopefully your little bush can still bloom this spring. Your daddy and I are planning on going to your graveside on Monday so we can get the Christmas decorations all cleaned off. That will be officially 2017. It seems strange to go into a new year without you. Our plans all revolved around you. Now it's like everything we do will be "If Lois were here..." I will always think of you honey. I love you. Sweetest dreams. Hugs and kisses. Love, Mommy
Hi my honey girls. How was your day? Your daddy and I went to a movie and lunch with your Aunts Sicily and Savanna. Then we had chili for dinner with the family and just enjoyed each others' company. As we were driving over to grandma and grandpa's, I was talking to your daddy about how this could be our last winter break where we get to do pretty much nothing. I was thinking how we should enjoy it, but then I also started thinking about how much we would absolutely love to be exhausted and how enjoyable the season would be with one (or two) of your siblings with us. We are ready for them honey. So whenever they are ready, I want to love them with the unconditional love I have for you. Oh my girl your daddy and I were watching Parent Trap and "Here Comes the Sun" came on when the girl and her mom were spending the day together. I got all choked up. Oh honey I want a day with you. I guess one day would never be enough--but one day is better than none--right? I love you sweetheart. I miss you honey. And I love you so very much . Sweet dreams my girl. Hugs and kisses. Love, Mommy
Hi my baby girl. Today we went snow shoeing and I thought about you the whole time. It was absolutely gorgeous and a really great reminder of all our blessings. I am just so grateful for you honey. Your daddy is the best! we are haging a Christmas slumber party! He is so sweet and thoughtful and knows me sow well. We are very lucky girls. And then tonight your daddy and I were watching The Sound of Music and the song Eidelweiss came on, and it reminded me of Gma Lezlie singing it to me when I was little. Then I started thinking about how much I would love to sing that song to you. I guess I still could--huh honey? Oh my girl I just miss you. I was talking to Ingunn about Rowan today and she's pretty sure he can see people beyond the veil. Do you ever go hang out with him? It would be fun if you went and played with him sometime :) I love you honey. I'm so proud of you and how incredible you are. Sweet dreams, okay my angel girl? Hugs and kisses. Love, your momma
Merry Christmas my angel girl! How has your day been? We had a really good morning. Your daddy and I brought our blow up mattress and we had 3 beds in the downstairs living room last night. We stayed up playing games and talking with your aunts and uncles. Then we woke up this morning and opened Christmas presents. Your daddy really liked his book. He said he was going to read it a little later. Your aunt Sicily gavie me a butterfly ring and Gpa Bennett gave me a necklace with a butterfly on it. I just love getting those sweet reminders of you. We went to Gma Hendry's for breakfast and now we are at sacrament. I love this time of year and the peace we are able to feel. I miss you though honey. I keep thinking about how we would be holding your tiny little body. And your aunts and uncles and Gma and Gpa would all want a turn. I would just love to see you being loved and cherished by everyone. I wish you were here. I want you to be here so badly. I miss you every day. I hope you have the most wonderful Christmas my girl! I love you. Forever and ever. Love, Mommy
Hi my sweetest girl. Merry Christmas Eve angel girl. I have thought about you all day long. We had our Christmas Eve pajama party and we started with the youngest cousin first, and I had to leave the room because I just started crying. I started to think about you being the youngest and how you should be here. What kind of pajamas would you have liked? I imagined having you just brand new and all curled up in a little ball like newborns do. And cute little bows and accessories. It was hard. But your great gma Bennett wrote you a poem and she wrote it about butterflies. It was really sweet. I wonder how tomorrow will be. I'm so so happy to be spending time with your daddy and everyone, I just keep thinking of how different things would be if you were here. Oh honey, I wish you were here. With every part of me. My heart just aches for you, and I become exhausted from longing for you. I love you sweetheart. I hope you are having a wonderful time. Thank you for making this Christmas season more spiritual and joyful. Sweet dreams baby girl. Kisses and squeezes. Love, your mommy
Hi my girl. It's almost Christmas! It's past midnight so it is officially Christmas Eve! Oh honey--I so wish you were here. I wish I was snuggling you in your sweet little Christmas pajamas and we would have so many things to take over to grandma and grandpa's so you could sleep well. Oh honey. I just pray that we will feel your presence and your love. I love you honey. You have sweet dreams, okay? Hugs and kisses my angel girl. Love, Mommy
Hi honey. How's my girl? Today was a weird day because we pretty much did nothing. We went grocery shopping and took a 3 hour nap. Haha your daddy did dishes and I made cookies, and we watched a lot of movies. I got in a pretty grumpy mood and I always feel so guilty after. Your daddy is so kind and patient with me. I don't deserve it. We watched a movie about two friends and one of them ends up dying of cancer. It was so hard to watch. Of course I think about if it happened to us and then I think of all these different scenarios. I just started crying thinking about losing your daddy. I would--well I don't know what I would do. I don't think I could live without him. I know I get to be with him forever--but I always pray that we can grow old together. And have a long--average life together. And the other friend had a baby and I started to think about what it would be like to have a healthy, living baby--and I just started crying. The idea seems so impossible. How does every little thing work out? There are just too many things that can go wrong. Your daddy says I need to be more optimistic. So I will do my best. Oh honey I just love you. Honey please help keep your daddy safe. I can't lose him. Okay? Thank you my angel girl. Sweet dreams and lots of squeezes and kisses. Love, your momma
|