Being at home has been an adjustment. We were ready to get home, but when it was actually time to leave the hospital, a rush of sadness came over me. Walking out, your dad was holding flowers, and I was holding the box with your keepsakes. I longed to be carrying you in a car seat and having a mix of emotions like excitement and wonder. Instead, we were leaving with feelings of sadness, not knowing what emotions were yet to come. The ward has taken very good care of us with food and flowers, and we've received many gifts--all very sweet and spiritual. It's surreal that everything happened--it just happened so quickly. We get distracted and then come back to reality and it just hits. Car rides are difficult because my mind always goes to you and the pain of not having you just engulfs me.
I miss being pregnant with you. The little inconveniences of being pregnant were sweet reminders that I still had you. Now that whose are gone, I feel empty. When Zoe lays against my stomach, I can't help but tear up because you would love that when you were in my stomach. If I ever felt icky, I would put her against my skin, and she seemed to just settle/comfort you. Knowing that I can eat certain foods I had to avoid, or being able to wear my old clothes brings another level of sadness. I miss you honey. I pray that I always feel your presence.
I am so grateful for the plan of salvation and I am so grateful for your valiant efforts in heaven. You have given your mom and dad the best reason to live faithfully and worthily. We are going to do our best to make you proud. I'm sure there will be moments where you face palm and wonder what the heck we're doing, but I promise we will always do our best. And we will get back on track eventually my sweet girl.